


Whatever souls are made of (his and mine are the same)

by DreamyMarry



Series: Wounded Hearts [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Trauma, Found Family, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Jichuuriki Friendship, Strangers to Friends, pen pal au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamyMarry/pseuds/DreamyMarry
Summary: Due to a program created by the peace talks between Konoha and Suna, children of these village’s ninja academies are encouraged to interact through letters. Two seemingly opposites, Uzumaki Naruto and Gaara, get paired to exchange correspondence. But they will find out they have more in common than they thought.A Pen Pals AU in canonverse.
Relationships: Gaara & Hyuuga Hinata, Gaara & Uzumaki Naruto, Gaara & Yashamaru (Naruto), Hyuuga Hinata & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Umino Iruka & Uzumaki Naruto
Series: Wounded Hearts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2064660
Comments: 36
Kudos: 92





	1. A prologue

Yashamaru was worried about Gaara.

It seemed that ever since his sister died, that was everything he seemed to do, so much that Rasa appointed him Gaara’s primary caretaker, to the relief of all the other candidates. He understood their fear, Shukaku’s shadow always looming over anyone close to his nephew and his dangerous and uncontrolled sand making the situation even harder to sympathise with. But Yashamaru could never fault the baby his sister loved till her last breath and that he, too, had come to love more than anyone. Not even if Gaara hurt him.

Yashamaru traced the bandages over his left arm, thinking about how Gaara had been extra subdued since the last incident. A simple training simulation ended with his arm shredded as his nephew’s sand spun out of his control and viciously attacked the closest victim it could find. Yashamaru had tried to assure Gaara that he knew it was an accident, but to no avail. The child had not even attempted to go outside, something he was usually eager to do, probably afraid of hurting anyone he physically came close to.

His siblings were no help. Temari was prickly, she did not appreciate how hard making friends was when being the daughter of their stern Kazekage and having the local monster as her brother. The fact that Gaara was clearly their uncle’s favorite didn’t do any favors, so she mostly ignored her youngest brother, being cold and cruel when she couldn’t do so. Kankuro was the same as the rest of the village, so terrified of his younger brother that he treated him like a ticking bomb. He avoided Gaara just as much as Temari, if not more, and eventually the youngest child learned to not count on them for anything. 

They were only following the lead of their father, Yashamaru supposed, but that fact only made it worse for the isolated six-year old. Rasa was unhappy with Gaara’s progress, the boy’s hesitance to hurt anyone making it hard to train to harness the Shukaku’s power to the scale of destruction the Kazekage wanted. Yashamaru knew his brother-in-law’s patience waned everyday, but hoped he could help Gaara be more confident in his abilities and shield him when, not if, Rasa did something drastic. 

He sighed as he looked at the academy curriculum papers in front of him. Since Gaara was too much of a liability to send to the academy, Yashamaru was not only his caretaker, but his teacher too and had to plan lessons as such. So, the Academy sent him the activities children his age were doing so Yashamaru could apply them to him. He was taking a pause on the physical training while his arm healed, more for the safety of others if he was unable to contain Gaara than his own. As he decided between going over history or math the next day, a file for the Cultural Information Exchange caught his eyes.

Yashamaru was aware of the program, as Rasa was deeply unhappy with it. Suggested by Konoha’s Third Hokage, the program's objective was to create a deeper bond between the younger generation of allies by having the students of each village's academy write letters to each other. It was supposed to let them soon-to-be shinobi gain insight in their closest ally’s culture to make them working together easier when the time comes. Rasa thought it was a waste of time and resources, having their messenger birds carry letters between villages each week, but he wanted to appease the Third and ended up agreeing. Yashamaru never said, but he also thought the program seemed quite pointless when it came to actually working together. 

Now, he wondered if it would actually be useful for something. Gaara was too afraid to be near people physically, the idea of potentially hurting them making the kid sick, so having a friend he would only know through letters would do him some good. No child in Suna would be willing to have anything to do with Gaara, but an ignorant one from Konoha would be none the wiser. Also, the letters were proof-read by the teacher (in this case, by Yashamaru himself), so no sensitive information would be shared. Rasa probably wouldn’t like it, but he wouldn’t be paying enough attention to find out. 

‘Guess I already decided, then’ Yashamaru thought. He would send a message to the Academy to put Gaara’s name to the list of the program and inform him of it as an assignment so he would at least try. 

If it didn’t work, he would just find something else. He would not let his nephew turn into a ball of despair and self-loathing, he would not fail his sister. 

In Konoha, Umino Iruka is stressed out.

It was like the universe was working into making regret not only becoming a teacher, but accepting this specific class of students. The Third Hokage had recently informed them of the Cultural Information Exchange program and all the teachers were deeply unhappy with it. All of them saw it as pointless and even if Iruka saw the potential of the idea, he couldn’t stomach how much more work it would be for them. They would all read the letters their students sent and received and make corrections if necessary, which it surely would since it was classes of six to eleven-year-olds. He and Mizuki went out for a drink as soon as the news hit them, commiserating over the extra time they would surely do.

But the absolute cherry on top was that, when sorting through which student’s letters each would read, Iruka got lucky enough to get Uzumaki Naruto’s name. The jailer of the Kyuubi, the monster that killed his parents. Initially, when he found out that he was supposed to teach the brat, he almost gave up being a teacher altogether, but was convinced otherwise by Hatake Kakashi to go on. Now, seeing the series of events that made this situation possible, he feels like he is in the middle of a cosmic joke. 

Before he was his teacher, Iruka disliked Naruto in a detached way. It was almost impossible to not associate him with the demon that ruined his youth by leaving him orphaned and killed the Fourth Hokage. He tried to tamper it down when he began teaching, but that was just accompanied by a much more personal dislike of Naruto, now. The boy was loud, brash and never paid attention to the lessons. On top of that, he was also incredibly arrogant, causing lessons to be disrupted often. Mizuki found it funny, but Iruka found it just really annoying. 

So of course he would be the one to have to read the boy’s letters. But, as misery loves company, Iruka is comforted by the fact that he will not have to suffer through Naruto’s letters alone, as his still undecided penpal - as they were still waiting from the applications from Suna - will probably not get along with Naruto. He wasn’t even trying to jinx the kid, but he still hasn’t met someone that actually liked him. 

“Don’t forget that next week we will be sending your letters, so use the model we gave to start writing already.” Mizuki said, snapping Iruka out of his thoughts. His friend always seemed undefeated and cheery, even though his fellow teacher was zoning out in the middle of the class, leaving him alone to deal with the class by himself. “And remember that it’s mandatory.”

Mizuki said the next word while looking at Naruto, who was pouting. The blond hadn’t been happy with the program and had complained loudly when it was announced, but had quieted down after a scolding from Iruka. The boy in question had to admit that, even though he wasn’t interested at the idea of having to write and read letters at the beginning, he was feeling kind of excited now. It would be nice to have someone paying attention to things he said, even on paper.

Naruto didn’t have a lot of experience in conversations, the people he talked to the most being the family that ran the Ichiraku Ramen stand and the Third Hokage. He liked to talk a lot, but people rarely listened, so someone that would at least have to read through his letter and respond was an exciting prospective to him. The boy was thoroughly convinced that people didn’t like him because they didn’t bother to get to know him and, by that logic, his penpal would surely love him. He ignored the part of him that was scared that he would be simply cast aside, like always, and continued his theatrics to hide his excitement at the idea of having a friend.

The other children chatted about what they would write on their letters, spirits high now that they got used to the idea. Two children, putting their things aways for dread of getting home too fast, weren’t in the same mood as their classmates. Both considered talking to a stranger pointless, unused to easy conversation. One didn’t see the point of writing to someone who was miles away when the person they wanted to talk to the most was in the room. The other was also uninterested, as the people he wanted to talk to the most were dead.


	2. Contact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They write letters. It goes well, until it doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The episodes I watched to write this chapter turned me into that “kids, can we lighten up a little?” Marge Simpson meme. Anyways, thanks for the bookmarks and kudos, hope you guys enjoy.

_Hey, Gaara_

_My name is Uzumaki Naruto and you better remember it because you don’t have just the best penpal ever, but you’re also talking to the future Hokage of Konoha! Yup, you're that lucky! I’m six years old and in my second year at the academy here in Konoha. Your village is in the desert, right? Is it hot all the time? I like being hot better than being cold, because it’s easier to train and I can go swimming at the lake or training in the forest. But since it’s the desert, do you even have a lake? A forest? Can plants grow in the desert? If you don’t have plants, how do you make food? I can’t imagine not having any plants, I have two in my apartment. But not for food, just because the old man said it would be to teach me some ~ responsibility ~ which it’s not fair because I’m already very responsible. I wished I could grow ramen plants in my apartment, but the old man says that’s not real. Ramen is my favorite food, even if it takes three minutes to get done (it’s too much time, maybe when I become a ninja I can make a jutsu that makes ramen cook faster!). Cup ramen is good, but the best is when the old man takes me to Ichiraku. Old man Teuchi and Ayame-chan make the best ramen in the whole world. If you come visit, I can take you there to show you. Do you have ramen in Suna? What’s your favorite food?_

_We’ve been training taijutsu this week, but I hate it. I want to learn cool stuff, not just dumb moves. I already know how to throw a punch, why would I need to know more? But Iruka-sensei insists that we need to know how to “do it right”. I wish I could learn ninjutsu already. It’s not fair that some kids already get cool stuff because they have clan training and kids with no clans get stuck with what the teachers give use. But it’s ok, I don’t need no clan training to be Hokage, not like that show-off Sasuke or dumb Kiba. I can do this by myself. Do you know any ninjutsu? Or do you like taijustu more? What do you learn at your academy? Is it fun? We’re the same age, so we must be learning the same things, but Iruka-sensei says we can’t talk very much about ninja stuff we learn in the academy because it’s secret or something. But you can tell me your favorite things about it, I guess. It has to be better than here, because at least you don’t have Sasuke-teme to brag about being the best in everything (which he isn’t because I’m here), so even if you learn boring stuff, it can’t be that bad. I’ll finish my letter here since Iruka-sensei is bothering me about it, but don’t forget to tell me everything. I want to know about you!_

_Uzumaki Naruto,_  
_Future Hokage of Konoha_

Iruka sighed. It surely deviated from the topics suggested and barely reigned itself from going all over the place. In all, it was a letter by Uzumaki Naruto, but the writing was at least readable. Barely.

“Are you sure this is your final draft?” Naruto’s smile dimmed a little at the question. He thought attempt number seven had been his best yet.

“I’m sure, Iruka-sensei.” Said the blond. “I’m ready to send it off!”

When Iruka offered the children help with crafting their letters (beyond the simple model the academy offered, full of stock phrases similar to “I like” and “I dislike”), he didn’t expect Naruto. In hindsight, that was foolish of him. Naruto may not be the student most inclined to reading and writing, but when he decided to do something, he put in his all. Which is why, when the kid showed up with a three-page letter detailing his daily routine and academy training drills that shouldn’t be broadcasted to another village, not even an ally, Iruka shouldn’t have been surprised. Honestly, this whole program was making him glad about the village’s slightly isolationist policies, because children meeting others from different villages before they became genin would surely be a security fiasco.

“Alright, Naruto. It’s approved then.” Iruka said kindly, putting the letter in a standard issue envelope as Naruto perked up at his teacher’s small smile. “You can go. Your penpal’s letter will arrive next week.”

As the blond ran out of the classroom, eager to plan more pranks for the weekend (and see how his plants were doing, not that he would admit it), Iruka was left to ponder about the last week. While he was annoyed to have to help Naruto tame his monstrous initial draft into a simple one-page letter that would be actually readable to a fellow six-year-old shinobi-in-training, it had made him uncomfortably aware about how similar the kid was to him in his younger days. Days of missing his parents and acting up so he would get attention, before he became friends with Mizuki and got acknowledged as a good shinobi. Days of being alone. And now he couldn’t stop thinking about it.

He technically didn’t have any responsibility with Naruto other than being his teacher, but maybe he had been lacking in even that. He had never noticed how Naruto only ate instant ramen or, rarely, rice balls for lunch nor how he had been struggling with a specific taijutsu drill (information that had to be redacted from the original letter). Isn’t it a teacher’s duty to worry about his students? Hell, Ichiraku was also his favorite restaurant and he hadn’t even noticed that Naruto was there often too. Iruka didn’t know what to do to help and how exactly to reconcile his newly discovered worry and guilt with the annoyance and dislike he still felt for the kid, but decided he would keep a closer eye in him from now on. Meanwhile, he hoped that Naruto’s penpal would be kind to him.

Said penpal, Gaara from Suna, also contemplated Uzumaki Naruto as he held a letter in his hands a few days later.

He hadn’t been exactly unhappy when his uncle Yashamaru told him that he would start exchanging letters with an unknown kid from their ally village, Konoha. You could even say he was excited, in the beginning. But soon dread set in his stomach. Gaara had never had a friend before, couldn’t even interact with other children before their parents pulled them away or they ran by themselves. The closest thing he had to human interaction with people near his ages were his siblings and it not only barely happened these days, but it surely wasn’t positive.

Gaara still could remember when they were younger and played together in the sand, a time where he was almost proud of his abilities instead of terrified by them. It all stopped after the fateful day his father pulled his siblings away from their playtime, also cutting all their other interactions short until they became nonexistent. Now, all he got was cold and distant glares from Temari and, worst of all, scared looks from Kankuro. So, Gaara’s abilities to socialize weren’t very polished. At least he felt relief that he was spared from having to send the first introductory letter by chance. But, as he looked at Uzumaki Naruto’s barely understandable writing, he realized he was way in over his head.

“Gaara-sama?” Said Yashamaru, snapping his nephew out of his thoughts. He had been surreptitiously watching as Gaara read the letter (that he had already read and had deemed safe) and freezing after a while, staring at the paper. “Is something wrong?”

“I don’t think I can do this, Yashamaru.” Gaara said, putting the letter down.

“Why not?” His uncle frowned, but softly enough so he could know he wasn’t upset with him. “Naruto seems nice.”

“Yes, I know. He sounds really nice and cool and I bet he has tons of friends.” And Yashamaru continued to not understand until he continued. “ I’m not like that at all, what if he doesn’t want to be my friend?”

“Oh, Gaara-sama. Of course he will want to be your friend.” He truly hoped so.

“But nobody wants to be my friend, Yashamaru.” Gaara said, eyes watering a bit. “Not even Temari and Kankuro want to. If they all don’t like me, why would he?”

While thinking about snapping his brother-in-law in half was a common occurrence for Yashamaru (a consequence of dealing with him often, both as Gaara’s caretaker and the Kazekage’s right-hand-man), he had never wanted to be able to do so as much as now. He knew Rasa turning Gaara’s siblings from him had a terrible impact on the kid, but there was nothing he could do beyond offering his own presence in the times the boy would play, now alone, on the sand. Kankuro and Temari didn’t even live in the same house as Gaara and Yashamaru anymore. So of course this, coupled with his inability to make friends with village children, would make him think he was incapable of making friends.

“Gaara-sama,” Yashamaru said gently, sitting besides the boy on the sofa. “You know why it’s hard to make friends with the children from here.”

The kid did know, but it didn’t stop him from flinching. Yashamaru knew his words were blunt and, unfortunately, needed to be heard.

“They are ignorant and scared and can’t separate you from the Shukaku.” Like I can, like Kankuro and Temari could before your father pulled them away. He thought darkly. “But Naruto is not from here, he is from a village far away and doesn’t even know we have a jichuuriki. Probably doesn’t even know what one is. So if you try and talk to him, you’ll see you’re not the problem, other people’s fears are.”

They sat quietly for a minute, letting Gaara absorb the words.

“But how do I talk to him?” He said, staring at the letter in his hands. “This looks nothing like the model you showed me, Yashamaru. What if he reads my letter and thinks I’m not… hum…”

“Sincere?” Yashamaru completed and Gaara nodded. He, like most shinobi-in-training, had a pretty nice vocabulary already. One of the reasons he liked Uzumaki Naruto right away was because of his spontaneous letter, a sign it wasn't a boring assignment to him. He looked actually interested in making a friend, a thing that would do his nephew wonders. “Gaara-sama, that model was just an example. Try writing like you’re actually talking to someone.”

“But you’re the only person I talk to.”

“Then write like you’re talking to me.” He said, getting up from the couch. Gaara seemed to have his mind made up. “If you’re sincere, I’m sure your penpal is going to appreciate it.”

And his nephew took his words to heart.

_Hello, Naruto_

_My name is Gaara and I’m also six-years-old. I’m happy to be talking to you. Are you a relative of the current Hokage? In Suna, the position of Kazekage is passed down through family, but I’m not sure how it is in Konoha. If you are allowed, please tell me. I hope you can do it. And yes, it’s very hot here in the desert during the day, but it gets very cold in the evening. No, we don’t live near any lakes or forests, but we can get supplies like food or water very easily, so you don’t have to worry about that or anything. And yes, we can grow plants in the desert, but specific types and they don't get too big. I wish I could see a forest and your plants at your home (is it nice to care for a plant in your apartment?) but children don't usually leave the village before they are genin. Is it different in Konoha? We do have ramen here, but the ones I’ve tasted weren’t as good as the one you’re describing. I want to try it with you, someday. My favorite foods are salted beef tongue, but it’s hard to find here, and a Suna dish called gizzard. Have you ever tried it? It’s very tasty._

_I can’t tell you how the academy is here in Suna because I don’t go there. I do the same stuff they do, most of the time. I don’t know any taijutsu or ninjutsu yet, I like ninjutsu more. But I wish I could train like you do with the other kids, I can’t even train taijutsu right. I have this type of bloodline that’s rare, even in my family, so I can’t go to the academy until I learn to control it. So my uncle Yashamaru teaches me at home so I don’t hurt people by accident. Yashamaru is the best, he teaches me and cooks for me (today’s meal was gizzard, I'm happy). I have a father, too, and he is a shinobi and my mother died when I was born. She gave me my name and I miss her sometimes, but it’s ok because Yashamaru talks about her all the time. I have a brother and a sister too, they are older than me. Their names are Kankuro and Temari and they also want to become shinobi, they are good at it. What about your family? I want to know about them. Also, I hope you show this Sasuke who is the best, he sounds annoying. Your sensei sounds smart, but your letter isn’t too long. Send me a longer one next time, please._

_Gaara_

Naruto was starting to feel anxious as he watched Iruka-sensei read his letter, looking pretty thoughtful as he did so.

The letters had arrived earlier that day and the teachers had said they would read them in front of the student right before giving them out. Naruto was the last of Iruka-sensei’s students to have his letter read and Mizuki-sensei was done with his, leaving with a smile to Naruto and a promise to meet up with Iruka-sensei for dinner later. His teacher had looked content as he read the letter and his lips quirked up often, but started to frown after he got to a certain part. However, he didn’t take his pen out to censor anything and wordlessly gave Naruto the letter and smiled, a bit melancholic. Iruka-sensei had been… kinder to the blond these days and he couldn’t figure out why, but he was glad.

When Naruto had learned, initially, that Iruka-sensei was the one assigned to help him with his letter, he was equally filled with happiness and dread. Mizuki-sensei was unusually kind to him and let him get away with more antics, but he learned the most with Iruka-sensei. While he didn’t seem to like Naruto, he never gave up trying to get him to understand the curriculum and nagged him that things like vocabulary and math were as important as “cool shinobi stuff”. Iruka-sensei also seemed to mellow out the more time Naruto spent with him (which was new, his presence usually had the opposite effect), so he was already looking forward to the correction of his next letter.

Leaving the academy with his envelope in hand, Naruto sat in his favorite swing near it and started reading. He had been worried that his penpal would write in that stilted model that the academy gave him, but Gaara had apparently taken Naruto’s letter as an invitation to show his own writing style. It was more formal than Naruto’s and the writing was neater. He was already preparing his answers as he read the letter (“no, you don’t need to be related to the Hokage to be the next Hokage” and “no, he had never tried gizzard”) when he read the second part and stopped.

Naruto had hoped Gaara wouldn’t ask about his family, since he didn’t mention any. But of course he couldn’t be that lucky. How could he answer that? Everyone in the village knew him as the orphan boy no one wanted around, he had never had to explain it to anyone before and worse, had no idea how his penpal would answer. Having parents was the norm, would Gaara think he was weird? Sure, he didn’t have a mother, but his whole family was there to back him up. Naruto was alone, not even a guardian, no one had wanted the position. No one had wanted him. His cheeks heated up as realized that, for the first time, the fact made him not only sad and angry, but also embarrassed.

There was nothing wrong with not having parents. He knew that, objectively, but it didn’t ring true to him. Maybe, it just wasn’t true to him. Like the other orphans, Naruto could explain away not having parents due to the Kyuubi attack the night he was. But, how could he write that he was the only one that lived alone, without a guardian? An orphan that not even the orphanage wanted, the Third Hokage setting him up with an apartment and monthly spending tip at the age of five. There was always the chance that, if he didn’t talk about it, Gaara would just let it go. But if he didn’t, what could Naruto say?

He got up from the swing and started walking. He couldn’t answer the question and couldn’t answer the letter without answering the question. Naruto was still at an impasse when he reached the Ichiraku Ramen stand without realizing. It was hard to not come here all the time, even when he didn’t have money to eat and just wanted to talk to people who weren’t mean to him and had less chance to dismiss him than the Hokage. Fortunately, today he had money to spare for a bowl of ramen and maybe he could squeeze in a friendly conversation with Ayame-chan so he could muffle feelings he didn’t want to think about.

“Naruto-kun, welcome! You’re early today, huh.” Ayame said as her father went around prepping ingredients, nodding when he saw Naruto coming in. The eleven-year-old was tying her hair back so she could help around. “Skipping school?”

“Nah, Ayame-chan, I just skipped afternoon training today.” His grin at seeing her faltered a bit, remembering why he did so. Rereading the letter wasn’t in his near future plans anymore.

“Eh? How are you going to be Hokage if you keep skipping training?” She teased.

“Just today, Ayame-chan.” He whined. “Hey, did ya think academy training went late everyday?”

“What do I know about you shinobis?” She huffed. Ayame had wanted to be a shinobi back when she was younger, but ended up giving it up rather quickly. Her father told her she was probably trying to emulate her favorite customer when she was five, a pretty red-haired lady she barely remembered anymore. “Anyway, the usual for you?”

“You betcha!” At this, she giggled and started separating his bowl. “I’m soooo hungry!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll hurry.” She said as she started looking for the ingredients to assemble the ramen, noticing an envelope on the counter near the kid. “Hey, it’s been a week since you sent that letter out, right? Did you penpal write you back? Is that what you have there?”

“Yeah…” He said, deflating and she kinda regretted asking. “I just don’t think I’m gonna do this anymore, Ayame-chan.”

“Why not? Is your penpal boring or something?”

“No, he’s pretty cool, it’s just…” He hesitated. “He asked me about my parents and I don’t know how to answer that.”

“I see.” Ayame said after a beat. Naruto’s status as an orphan was infamous, so he probably didn’t have experience with that. Luckily, she kind of had some. She discreetly (in her eleven-year-old opinion) shooed her father to the back of the shop, to which he went good-naturedly. It was early enough that she could get away with it. “You know, Naruto-kun, I don’t have a mom. It’s not the same —.”

“It’s really not, Ayame-chan!” Naruto answered shortly, surprising her. She had never seen him angry, mostly happy or confused. “Gaara has a family, you have your dad. I… don’t have anyone. I’m alone.”

“Naruto-kun, you’re…” Not alone, she wanted to say. But she could barely call them friends, even though she knew him for years and saw him so often. It didn’t feel like her place to reassure him like that. “You don’t need to have a family to talk to you penpal, he’s not gonna not like you ‘cause of that. Don’t be embarrassed by it, ok?”

“It’s not that easy, Ayame-chan.” The kid said, still red but not looking angry anymore. Ayame put a hand on his head, carefully. Naruto always reacted stiffly to affection, like he wasn’t used to it.

“I know.” And she did, kids could be quite cruel. “But you’re the nicest kid I’ve ever met, Naruto-kun, even though you switched my shampoo with hair dye that one time and I spent a week looking like that girl you like.”

“Heh, a classic.” He looked so proud that Ayame glared at him playfully.

“So if your penpal makes fun of you or something, don’t talk to him anymore.” She hoped he wouldn't, Ayame couldn’t take Naruto’s sad face. “But don’t give up so quickly, that’s not like the Naruto-kun I know at all.”

She expected it to be enough, but Naruto still looked weirdly thoughtful and was quiet. She waited a bit and was about to ask what was it when he spoke up hesitantly.

“But even if it’s not ‘cuz of my parents, what if he doesn’t like me?” He looked so subdued that she felt her heart break a little. “You didn’t read it, Ayame-chan, we’re nothing like each other. He writes so nice and has a bloodline and lives in a desert! It’s just, people here that are a little like me already don’t like me. What if he doesn’t?”

She wished she hadn’t sent her father away because, even though he wasn’t an expert at pep talks or anything, she also wasn’t sure what to say. Ayame knew people didn’t like Naruto, but she had no idea why. It wasn’t because of pranks or anything like that, since the adults treated him badly since before that. The kids followed suit, their parents knew best, after all. Her dad was always neutral about him before that one rainy day in which he beckoned Naruto to the stand and offered him a free bowl of ramen. From that day on, they both got to know the boy and he was one of the sweetest kids ever, if a bit hyperactive, so she only got more curious. But her dad, if he knew about why the villagers treated the boy like that, never said anything to her.

Not knowing what made Naruto so unlikable to these people made her unable to give direct advice. So she gave the advice her dad gave her the first day of civilian school:

“Be honest, ok? You can’t decide if people will like you or not, but if you’re honest, they will decide by knowing the real you.” She told him. “I know that, sometimes, it looks like we have nothing in common with some people, but that’s ‘cause we don’t know them yet. I mean, the first time we met I didn’t know you liked plants and wouldn’t know if we didn’t talk more, right?”

“Right.” Naruto said, but he still didn’t look convinced. Ayame went on.

“You and your penpal already have something in common: you’re both training to be shinobi. And yeah, it’s different, ‘cause the desert is nothing like here and having a bloodline usually makes shinobi annoying. I mean, you’ve met the Hyuugas, huh?” She rolled her eyes, glad most of that clan didn’t bother with their small ramen stand. “Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that if you want to connect with them, for real, just be yourself and be honest, ok, Naruto-kun? If he doesn’t like you, his loss.”

As soon as she stopped talking, her dad came out of the back, pretending he wasn’t listening to the conversation. Well, he would have done a better job at that if he hid the small, but proud smile he had for his daughter better. Ayame really was growing to be a great young lady very fast. He finally served Naruto’s miso ramen that had been forgotten during the conversation and Ayame continued helping her dad, filling the silence with a conversation about cacti she had started cultivating that Naruto was happy to respond to. The kid stayed long past finishing his bowl and, even though customers that came and went looked unhappy with it, neither father nor daughter said anything about it.

“Hey, Ayame-chan.” Naruto said as he got up to leave, eager to check up on his plants after the gardening conversation. He was blushing a little. “Thanks for, you know.”

“You’re welcome, Naruto-kun.” Ayame answered happily. “Good luck with, you know.”

Naruto nodded, determined. He and Gaara would be friends, no, best friends by the end of the program or he wasn’t Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage of Konoha!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I write six-year-olds training to be child soldiers? I mean, I tried. I literally couldn’t find solid Ayame characterization so I went along with bits and pieces I could find, hope I did her justice. Comment your thoughts, guys.


	3. First of their kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They send more letter and realize important things about each other. Iruka takes a significant step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year's Eve! Wanted to post this earlier but couldn't, sorry. Thanks for the kudos, bookmarks and comments, they mean a lot to me.

Gaara was a nervous wreck the days following his letter being sent. 

Yashamaru was actually concerned that he was going to make himself sick with worry, he could tell. So by the fourth day Gaara tried to keep his nerves more to himself, busy with books and training and trying to find out more about plants that he could keep in the desert. But no matter what he did, his thoughts kept circling back to his pen pal and, more importantly, potential friend Naruto. Did he like to read? Was he still training taijustu this week? What plant would he recommend to have in an apartment? Would he even answer his letter or find it so incredibly boring and awkward that he wouldn’t even bother? 

A day before the correspondence, Gaara had convinced himself that there wouldn’t be a letter for him. Why would Naruto write back? He basically admitted that he couldn't go out much because of a “bloodline”, it didn’t take long to realize he wouldn’t have any friends. Not like his stilted letter didn’t already show how unused he was to talk to people. Maybe he shouldn’t have followed Yashamaru’s advice, how could he be sincere when there wasn't anything likeable about the real him? He went to bed early under the pretense of wanting tomorrow to come sooner, wetting his pillow with tears after rereading for the thousandth time the only letter he would probably ever get. 

The next day, he reluctantly left the bed for training.

“Good morning, Gaara-sama!” Yashamaru said cheerfully, pouring miso soup in two bowls. “You took so long to get up, I thought I would have to shake you awake.”

“Sorry, Yashamaru. “ The kid said, sitting down at the table and taking the bowl offered. “‘Guess I just really was tired.”

“So tired that you didn’t come with me to pick up your letter at the academy?” Yashamaru raised an eyebrow, referring to how excitedly his nephew had begged, the day after sending his letter, to be allowed to go to the pick up. That excitement wilted away very quickly and he could think of a few reasons why, as he watched the nervous boy. 

“D-did you go already?” Gaara asked, not lifting his gaze from his bowl. 

“Yes.” He said as he got an envelope out of his pocket. “Do you want to read it before or after training?”

Watching Gaara’s shaking eyes slowly rise up from his soup to meet his confirmed Yashamaru’s suspicion. His heart hurt as his nephew reached his hand out to take the envelope like he couldn’t believe it was there. Yashamaru had noticed Gaara had been jumpy and nervous as the day passed and decided to let him figure out his feelings by himself, but should have guessed he wasn’t experienced enough in social interactions to do that without jumping to the worst conclusions. The new letter would, at the very least, make him thoughtful rather than nervous. 

“I already read it, it’s safe.” He said gently. “Do you want to read it by yourself?”

“Yes, please.” Gaara said and his uncle immediately left the kitchen, ruffling his hair on the way out. He opened the letter, untouched miso soup pushed aside. 

_ Hey, Gaara _

_ The Kazekage position only goes to family? That’s so unfair! What if someone is this awesome shinobi and wants the job but they can’t do it because they aren’t family with him? What a bummer. Here, the Hokage title goes to the strongest shinobi in the village, you don’t need to be family (but the first two Hokage were brothers, weird). That’s cool because I’m not related to any Hokage, but I will definitely be one! The best one ever! Hey, how come the desert is hot in the day and cold in the night? How does that even work? It doesn’t make sense at all! And I wish you could see the rivers and forest around here, but Iruka-sensei says kids can’t go out of the village before we are genin, too (I think this is dumb, by the way). You should have a plant, though, Ayame-chan was telling me about cactus and how they grow up in the desert and that they are easy to take care of, so if you didn’t have a plant before, you should have one of those. And since you’re in the desert, I’m sure you can find one! Anyway, if you don’t think ramen is the best food in the world, then you aren’t eating it right. When we are shinobi and you can come here, I’m taking you to Ichiraku for sure. You can meet Old man Teuchi and Ayame-chan, they’re the best. I didn’t try salted tongue and I don’t even know what gizzard is, but I want to try it if it’s your favorite, it must be tasty. Next time I find tongue, I will buy it and when I visit your village we can eat gizzard together. It’ll be so cool! _

_ You really don’t go to the academy? Ever? Is your bloodline really that dangerous? We have some clans here, but all their kids come to the academy even though they have bloodlines. Can you say what your bloodline does? Is it cool? Do you like it? Does everyone in your clan have it? Tell me what you can, I want to know! Lots of clans have bloodlines here, but I bet yours is even cooler. The kids around here only have these creepy eyes and animal stuff (I don’t know if they are all bloodlines, though). But, if you do all the things we do in the academy, how come you don’t know any taijutsu and ninjutsu yet? I know we only learn ninjutsu after stupid chackra control and I’m bad at it. Is that why you don’t know ninjutsu? You’re bad at chakra control too? I hope you can control your bloodline to learn taijutsu, though. It’s kinda fun sometimes because I get to punch Sasuke-teme (last time I hit him twice before he got lucky and won because I slipped). Your family sounds nice and your uncle sounds like the best, really. Do they have the same bloodline? So, do you train together, if they don’t go to the academy too? How is it to have a brother and a sister? Are they cool? You father trains with you three too? Is your uncle from the clan too? Does he have the bloodline? _

_ I didn’t really want to write back at first, you know. I don’t have a family, my parents died during an attack the day I was born and I went to the orphanage, but the caretakers didn’t really like me. I didn’t like them too, they were really mean. So they put me in an apartment to live alone. It’s okay because they give me money and I can eat ramen everyday and no one can yell at me every night, you know? But I was scared to tell you when you asked me because I was embarrassed and I wanted you to like me. People here don’t like me very much, they say I’m annoying and loud and that I play too many pranks. But they didn’t like me since I can remember so I’m not sure why they didn’t like me before. The kids don’t like me too, their parents didn’t really let me play with them, ever, and it’s the same with my academy classmates. So you’re really lucky, Gaara, because you’re my first friend ever! I wasn’t going to write all this, but Ayame-chan told me to be honest, so that’s what I’m doing! I hope you write back, but if you don’t, well, your loss, because I can be the best friend you’ll ever have! So, if you don’t want to be my friend, I still have the old man, old man Teuchi and Ayame-chan, but I would like it, you know. To have you as a friend.  _

_ Uzumaki Naruto, _

_ Future Hokage of Konoha _

Gaara was speechless, his eyes immediately going back to the top of the letter to reread it again and again. He could faintly feel Yashamaru’s eyes on him, gauging his reaction, but he could hardly do anything other than blink at the letter on his hands. At first he had been relieved at Naruto’s letter, how it continued the casual and cheery mood from his previous one and how he acted exactly like it was a simple conversation, ignoring the formality of Gaara’s letter. He had gotten interested at the way the Hokage position was passed down (he thought it made way more sense as he couldn’t picture Kankuro as Kazekage and Temari just didn’t seem interested in the position) and gained a newfound respect for Naruto. He wasn’t just showing interest in a leader position, but saying he was going to become the best shinobi Konoha could offer. Not only that, but become the best among the best! Gaara had never seen such a drive in his life, he didn’t have any goals himself and his siblings were disinterested in their future. His father was more greedy than driven. The most he could compare was Yashamaru’s determination to take care of him, but he knew it wasn’t the same kind of feeling at all. 

Naruto’s standing invitation for him to Konoha muffled any insecurity he had before. If he didn’t like Gaara, he wouldn’t say he wanted to show him the rivers and forest, right? Even though it would only be when they became genin. For the first time, Gaara was excited to become a shinobi. He didn’t think he was suited for it: he didn’t like fighting and hurting people, the training focus was always on his despised sand barrier and he knew he would serve as the village weapon as soon as he was seen fit to it. But now, becoming a genin also meant getting permission to leave the village, visit allies or go to the chuunin exams. It now meant meeting Naruto and walking through the forests and swimming in the river with him. He never wanted a bowl of ramen so badly, to sit with Naruto at Ichiraku while he introduced him to “old man Teuchi'' and “Ayame-chan” as “my friend, Gaara”. He had wanted a lot of things abstractly at this point: nameless friends and affection from his family, it was the first time, however, he had something solid and real to wish for and the feeling was like a pleasant agony. 

He couldn’t really imagine Naruto in Suna, his cozy warmth contrasting with the uncomfortable heat and freezing cold from both the place and the people. The brief impression, not really an image, of Naruto sitting at his dining table with him and eating gizzard (and making a face, Gaara was the only person he knew that actually cared about the food) and drinking Yashamaru’s tea was kinda nice, though. Yashamaru would like Naruto, probably already did, if he went by his uncle’s eagerness to give him the letters. As he went on reading the letter, he felt a bit bad about lying about his “bloodline”, but he wasn’t allowed to talk about being a jichuuriki with someone from outside of his family (not that they wanted to talk about it, either). He didn't know how he would explain that he was the only one in his family, not clan, that had the bloodline and if that was even possible. He would have to ask Yashamaru for tips later. He wondered about the “creepy eyes'' (Hyuuga’s byakugan? Uchiha’s Sharingan? Both?) and “animal stuff” (probably an animal oriented clan, not a bloodline).

Gaara blanched a little when he reached the part of why he didn’t know any ninjutsu. How could he explain that his “bloodline” not only didn’t let him practice taijutsu because it hurt people, but that he was forced to focus on it and chakra control every single day? He was sure he would never be like his siblings, allowed to choose whatever shinobi style and craft that caught his attention. He would always be tied to his sand barrier and his shinobi life would revolve around it, whether he wanted it or not. It was also unlikely that he would ever learn taijutsu, as it was impossible with an incredibly fast barrier always protecting him from hits and everyone being deathly afraid of touching him in any way unless they were Yashamaru, and even he was hesitant in sparring with him. And was it weird that he was the only one in his family with this dangerous bloodline? Was it even possible at all? Would it set the instructor's alarm off, that something was wrong with Gaara?

He didn’t have a lot of time to worry about it as his eyes slipped to the next line.

“ _ I didn’t want to write back at first, you know _ .”

“Oh.” He remembered whispering, Yashamaru coming to stand closer to him. Just in case Gaara needed… what? Comfort? He had been really close to losing probably the only chance he would have at a friendship and for what? Idle curiosity? He should have noticed Naruto didn’t talk about his family for a reason and to not have pressed. But those thoughts burned out quickly too as he became too focused on another part of the letter, the one he was truly thinking about while rereading it again and again. 

“ _ People here don’t like me very much _ .” And wasn’t that a feeling he could relate to very well?

The last paragraph of Naruto’s letter hit him hard. Gaara never fit in, not with the adults in the village nor with his fellow children. Sure, he had Yashamaru while Naruto had no one, but did it matter that much when he had to deal with contempt from his own family? At least Naruto’s family was dead, they couldn’t disappoint him. And his uncle’s love couldn't erase the feeling of isolation at the fact that no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t connect with the people around him. Even more, Yashamaru didn’t understand it, not really, because he never went through it. But Naruto did and that meant more to Gaara than he felt it was right to. 

“Yashamaru.” He called for his uncle, only to startledly notice that he was now sitting right next to him. “Do you think that…?”

“He is a Jichuuriki?” Yashamaru completed, guessing correctly. He had also thought the villager’s dislike toward Naruto was familiar and unfounded. “I’m sorry, Gaara-sama, but no. If he was like you, his teacher would have helped make up a better excuse, don’t you think?

“But it doesn’t make sense, Yashamaru!” The boy insisted. “Why don’t they like him?”

“Gaara-sama…” He hesitated, trying to figure how to explain it. “People are really selfish, you see? Sometimes they don’t like people for little things, like not wanting to care for them and being annoyed that there’s no one they can complain to, because the person they don’t like doesn't have a caretaker. They would rather ignore these kinds of people. I think they don’t like Naruto because he doesn’t look like someone they can ignore, you understand?”

“But that’s not fair, Yashamaru.” Gaara complained. How could Naruto not want attention? They let him live alone when he was only six! He knew how being ignored could hurt.

“I know.” Yashamaru said softly, his mind following the same path as his nephew’s. “But people aren’t fair sometimes, Gaara-sama, you know that.”

“They are.” He agreed, crestfallen. Then, he perked up a little. “Naruto is really lucky, though.”

“Oh, why is that?” He was glad the kid seemed a little more upbeat. 

“The people from the ramen restaurant he talked about like him. He really is good with people, I think. I wish I was like that.”

“Well, now you can practice, Gaara-sama.” Yashamaru said, giving him a pen. “Do you want to write your letter before or after training?”

“I can write it before, Yashamaru?” Gaara’s eyes lighted up fully, now. 

“Just today.” He answered firmly, watching the kid take a piece of paper and run to his desk.

Gaara had never written so quickly in his life. He would probably regret half of it and erase the first draft after reading it when he came out of training, but now he couldn’t think of anything more than his new friend. For the first time, he felt like he could actually understand someone and, when the letter was read, someone could understand him. He felt really lucky, like Naruto said, to be his first friend. 

Unlike Gaara, Umino Iruka of Konoha was not feeling so lucky. 

“Well, Iruka, I’m done.” Mizuki said as soon as his last student left after receiving their letter. “Can you hold things up here?”

Iruka was tempted to say no, ask for him to not leave. There was only one letter left after Uchiha Sasuke’s, who was already walking through the door, unbothered by the blue-eyed glare following him. But how could he complain about taking care of after-school detention when there was only one student there and said student was the last one whose letter he had to read and deliver?

“It’s fine, Mizuki, you can go.” Mizuki’s eyes lit up in mischief, like he was enjoying it a bit too much. But he was only teasing, Iruka was used to it already. His friend didn’t have a bad bone in his body. 

Iruka waved as Mizuki left, feeling as dejected as Uzumaki Naruto looked. He was still scrubbing the orange paint from the desks, a result from his exploding paint balloons going off in the middle of math class. As far as Naruto went, it was a bit lackluster for a prank, if a bit impressive that neither Iruka nor Mizuki noticed in time to stop it. Then again, Naruto had been on a roll with pranks for the past two weeks, coinciding from the day he sent his letter to his penpal from Suna. Before, Iruka would have said Naruto was just being the problem child he usually was. These days, he could recognize the excessive pranks and talking back during class were much more of a symptom of a problem then one by itself. After all, he really didn’t know the blond as well as he thought. 

Naruto’s last letter to his penpal had been simply heartwrenching. It was one thing to suspect that the kid was lonely and not as happy-go-lucky as he seemed, but it was another to read it directly from the source, especially as the kid’s nervous eyes stared at him. If his previous experience of watching Naruto and reading his first letter had convinced him Naruto really wasn’t anything like the Kyuubi, the new letter dissuaded him of it completely and the guilt that weighed his stomach doubled down. The blond wasn’t malicious or cruel, he was just obnoxious, loud, an attention-seeker and a little dumb, but also hardworking, kind and really friendly. It’s not fair that he was disliked by everyone and that he was so aware and used to it that he talked about it with a stranger. 

Now that Iruka was bothered by how Naruto was treated, it was like he became hyper aware about it. He hated how his fellow shinobi talked about the kid, how his fellow teachers weren’t willing to help the kid and answer his questions, even Mizuki’s little joke’s at Naruto’s expense had been getting on his nerves recently. God forbid he question the Third’s wisdom, but the idea to broadcast to the whole village that the Kyuubi was sealed in Naruto hadn’t aged very well. The worst of the situation was that he couldn’t do anything to change others’ behaviour, even the children had already made up their opinion based on their interactions with Naruto and they weren’t favorable (unless you were, of course, Hyuuga Hinata, but dealing with a displeased Hyuuga Hiashi if he heard a teacher was encouraging a friendship between his heir and the village’s pariah was not something he was willing to do). 

So Iruka tried to connect more with Naruto by himself, but it was easier said than done. As open as he seemed, the kid seemed to have a very tight circle of people he actually trusted enough to ask for help from them and Iruka didn’t make the cut. Fair enough, as he wasn’t exactly friendly when he first met the kid. Mizuki would probably have a lot more luck than him. Still, he persisted, paying more attention to Naruto’s questions and if he seemed to have trouble with anything. It wasn’t special treatment, more like leveling the field with how he treated the blond compared to the other kids. Unfortunately, the blond’s recent inclination to lash out more aggressively didn’t leave a lot of room for a heart-to-heart or anything. 

Iruka picked up the envelope with Gaara’s letter, knowing Naruto’s eyes were following his moves. He hoped getting a nice response (he hoped it was nice, Gaara hadn’t been anything but sweet and polite until now, but it could change in a blink of an eye) would cheer the kid up from whatever mood he had been. He started reading the letter reluctantly, speeding up as soon as his eyes hit the first line. The writing, while still neat, was a bit shaky, like the writer was nervous and he could see why. He stood up as he tried to stop the corner of his lips from perking up and Naruto almost jumped from his seat.

“Here, Naruto.” Iruka said as he thrusted the paper towards him. “You can read this before you finish cleaning the desks.”

“Thanks, Iruka-sensei, but I’m gonna wait.” Naruto said, cleaning forcefully like he wasn’t interested in the contents of the letter five seconds before. “I have to finish this up, ya know.”

“It’s okay, you can finish this after.” He insisted, not resisting letting the nex line spill out. “I think you’ll like it.”

At that, Naruto raised his gaze to Iruka’s and the teacher noticed how nervous he seemed. And he was, the blond kid was feeling a mix of dread and excitement pooling in his stomach. Normally, fear wasn’t enough to stop Naruto from doing anything, but he had been experiencing a ton of firsts since the start of the pen pal program. It was his first time opening up to someone who hadn’t heard anything about the infamous Uzumaki Naruto and he had to do it fully, Gaara didn’t know the situation enough to fill in the blanks like Ayame-chan did. It had been exhausting enough that he didn’t even care about Iruka-sensei reading it and looking at him in a way that made him feel even worse. So yeah, he had been a little worse with his pranks and behaviour in class, but so what? He wanted to think about anything other than his loneliness and how Gaara would answer. But Iruka-sensei’s words were the final push he needed. If someone knew the answer he wanted as much as he did, it was the person that also read his letters. 

So he took the paper and started reading. 

_ Hello, Naruto _

_ I know that in our letters we answer what we say in order, but this is too important to leave to the end of this letter. The truth is that you’re my first friend, too. People here in Suna don’t like me very much, either. My bloodline is really dangerous and I have almost no control over it, so it’s not that I can’t go to the academy, I can’t go anywhere but my family’s home. Everytime I do, I hurt people, by accident, but it still happens. I’m the only one in my family to have it, so there’s no one to compare to it. I used to live with my siblings, but my father thinks I’m too dangerous now, I guess. They don’t live here anymore, it’s just me and Yashamaru. It’s okay, because I don’t think they like me very much. The people from the village hate me, too. I know they are scared, I'm scared of my powers too, but they don’t talk to me and the kids run away every time I try to play with them. I understand, but I’m still sad. I just want to play and talk with people, but I don’t think I’m going to ever do that, even if I learn to control my bloodline. I understand how being alone feels and Yashamaru is great, but he doesn’t really understand it. So I’m really lucky to be your friend, Naruto, I know that. I’m happy that you’re my friend too.  _

_ Now, about the rest of your letter. I think it’s really nice how you choose the Hokage and I think you will be a great one, Naruto. You sound very confident about it, I wish I had something that I wanted as much as you want to be Hokage. Yashamaru said it was “a goal”, I don’t think I have one. I’m not even sure if I want to be a shinobi, but my family says I have to be one and I think ninjutsu is really cool, so it’s not really a problem. How did you know that you wanted to be Hokage? About the desert stuff, I’m not sure either, it’s just something we know here in Suna. My sister Temari knows, I think, but we don’t talk much these days so I can’t ask her. I think it doesn’t make sense, too. When we are genin, we can visit each other, it will be really nice. I don’t know what I can show you here around Suna because I don’t go out much, but you could stay here in my home. Yashamaru cooks really well and you’ll taste the gizzard and his salted tongue too! Did you get any tongue already? Was it good? I love it, but it only tastes good when made by Yashamaru, so did you get a good one? We could train together too! When we’re genin, I’m sure we’ll know a lot of awesome jutsu. You can get used to Suna for when you’re Hokage and needs to visit for treaties and chuunin exams, too.  _

_ I’m excited to eat ramen with you, the place you talk about sounds so good, Naruto. And Ayame-san and Teuchi-san seem nice, I’m happy you have them. I don’t really get along with anyone that isn’t my family, sometimes I can only talk to Yashamaru, so I think it’s amazing you can make friends like that. In your first letter, you talked about the “old man”, who is he? I thought it was your grandfather, but now I know it’s not. I think I will get a cactus, like you said. Yashamaru said it’s a really good hobby for me to have and they’re pretty. My bloodline is really weird. It doesn’t always happen in my father’s family (Yashamaru calls it “recessive”), so it’s a little rare and I’m the only one that has it now. It makes a barrier that protects my body and if it looks like something is going to hurt me, it attacks. But it’s really bad at seeing if something is really going to hurt me, so it hurts others for nothing too. That’s why I can’t get out of my house or go to the academy or why my siblings can’t live with me. It’s pretty dangerous. I’m good at chakra control, I wish I could teach you. And I think it’s cool that Konoha has so many clans and bloodlines with young members, I’m not sure how it’s here in Suna because I can’t go to the academy.  _

_ I hope you answer this letter, I’ll be waiting.  _

_ Your friend, Gaara _ .

One of Naruto’s earliest memories was when he was around three and first noticed that people treated him differently from the other kids. The response to his mistakes were harsher than to the other kids in the orphanage, his caretakers never smiled when they were with him and the parents looking to adopt looked through him like he wasn’t there at all. It took him some time to realize that they didn’t like him, but why they didn’t like him was something he still hasn’t been able to figure out. So, about a year before he was enrolled in the academy, he took all the skills he gained from training to be a shinobi (and he wanted to be one so badly, at a hidden village, nothing was more respected than a shinobi!) and used them to start pranking people. He got the reactions he was looking for, the yells and the scolding he knew would come.

‘ _ Now you can not like me for this _ .’ He had thought, triumphantly. If they wouldn’t tell him why they hated him, he would give them a reason to. The high of the attention had lasted him for weeks back then, but these days it faded aways quickly, like a candlelight in a storm. It was becoming harder and harder to pretend his pranks and loudness and obnoxious behavior were the reason why no one in the village could stand the sight of him and not some unknown motive that he couldn’t grasp no matter how much he tried. 

Gaara was nothing like that, though. He was polite and smart and gentle and people still disliked him, didn’t want to even try to be near him at all. All because of something he couldn’t control. It wasn’t fair, he decided. If he were in Suna, if he could have someone as awesome as Gaara near him, he would stand against Gaara’s bloodline with all he could. It would be worth it, to be near his friend. A part of him that wondered why Konoha hated him so much didn’t quite die, but shrunk a little, as he read the letter. People were stupid, if they could hate kind Gaara because of something out of his control, then why should Naruto care so much about why people hated him? It was probably a stupid reason, anyways. There was even a chance that he didn’t deserve it all, that there really was nothing wrong with him and people were just … unfair.

He read through the rest of the letter a bit numbly, his feelings still stuck in the first half (and wasn’t Gaara the best? Writing what worried Naruto the most right at the beginning? It was a simple thing, but much more than most people would do for him). It was the first time someone said they thought he could be Hokage and he was sure his heart doubled in size. He wished he could hug Gaara. That was a thing friends did, right? How could he tell his friend that his main reason for wanting to become Hokage was that he would gain everyone’s respect? Would he get it? Probably, Gaara seemed to get him pretty well. He knew Gaara would be an awesome shinobi no matter what he chose to do. Also, getting invited to a friend’s house, even though it was years in the future, made him feel really giddy. Is that why Ino and Sakura-chan were always giggling? Did having friends feel like this all the time?

He skimmed through the rest of the letter, in a hurry to absorb it all even though he was sure he would reread it until the words got tattooed on his brain. His eyes ended up glued to the three final words on the letter.

“ _ Your friend, Gaara _ .”

He really had a friend!

“Are you ok, Naruto?” Iruka-sensei asked softly and Naruto noticed his vision was starting to get a little blurry.

“Yeah, Iruka-sensei.” He said as hasty wiped his arm over his eyes and stuffed the letter in his pocket. Iruka-sensei probably had noticed already. “I’m great! I’ll finish cleaning up right away, don’tcha worry!”

“It’s really late, you know.” Iruka-sensei said, trying to appear nonchalant. He was pretty bad at it or at least not as good as Mizuki-sensei. “I could help you clean up, how about that?”

“Really?!” He exclaimed as his eyes lit up, then narrowed in suspicion. “Why would ya do that, Iruka-sensei? You never helped clean up before.”

“Because I’m feeling generous today, you ungrateful brat.” He answered, but his tone was gentle. “How about we finish up here and get ramen at Ichiraku’s after? It’s my favorite too.”

“YES!” The kid jumped up, excited. He had been a little short on cash and hadn’t been to the ramen stand after his talk with Ayame-chan two weeks before. “Why didn’t you start with that? I’ll clean the left and you clean the right!”

As Naruto started to scrub the desk in front of him furiously, Iruka picked a rag and smiled. Yeah, the kid would be fine, he was sure of that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated, so tell me your thoughts!


	4. Bonds - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter how much Gaara tries, his true nature always seems to shine through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve taken longer to update, I have been in a terrible situation since the start of the year (try googling “Amazonas, Brazil covid” and see for yourselves). I would like to thank the new follows and favorites and the really nice reviews on the last chapter. This chapter was actually cut in half so not it wouldn’t be twice as long as usual and because I think the emotional impact works better like this too, so you guys get one more chap than originally planned. Yay. I hope you guys enjoy it

It’s like a dam broke after their second letters. 

Having someone to talk to that was their age, even though it was only through writing, was extremely refreshing. Being able to unload not only worries and problems was nice, but talking about their routine and simple things they saw that week or an overall unimportant, but funny situation that happened was even better. Iruka-sensei and Yashamaru just didn’t understand how rewarding running away from a boring class without being caught or how well the new cacti was adjusting to the apartment were. Naruto did mention once that Iruka-sensei said their letters were the longest out of the class and that left them both with a small sense of accomplishment, like a confirmation that their friendship really was special after all. 

Although Gaara liked writing his letters to Naruto, reading the letters that arrived was even better. Learning about how an actual shinobi academy worked was exciting, even if the technical aspect was blurry at best. But then, he wasn’t interested in Konoha taijutsu stances or anything, he would much rather read Naruto complaining about Sasuke-teme and whatever the “show-off” did to “steal the spotlight from Naruto’s awesome performance” (usually, a whole paragraph was reserved for this). It was nice to read about the pranks he played on his teachers and unsuspecting classmates, his progress in training and how he actually had fun in a class presentation (he and his partner, Kiba, got low grades, but the blond didn’t seem bothered by it). Naruto talked a lot less about his home life, mostly about his plants and his training in the woods and weekly visits to Ichiraku’s, one of the letters even containing a small doodle of a cactus from “Ayame-chan”, the stand owner’s daughter. Reading those letters was immersive, Gaara felt like, if he closed his eyes, he could be laying in a grassy field under a tree’s shadow with Naruto, talking about classes and pranks and how stupid Sasuke was. 

However, there was a lot of worrying stuff too. Naruto often tried to play off how lonely he seemed at home, surrounded by only his plants, even the “old man” he referred to sometimes not really a relative or even a caretaker, just an official from Konoha that delivered him money and rarely made him company. Naruto was too easily distracted, Gaara noticed as the blond went from subject to subject like a hurricane in his letters, he shouldn’t live alone at all. His point was proven when the blond was food poisoned after eating bread he didn’t realize was moldy and spent a few days bed-ridden, with no one to care for him since it wasn’t serious enough to warrant an hospitalization. Naruto clearly wouldn’t elaborate how this made him sad, but Gaara could see it when he mentioned how doing things by himself was a bother when sick and how quickly he changed the subject. It wasn’t like it was much better at school, where he had friendly acquaintances in some boys in the class and not much else, even complaining about how the teachers don't even seem to liked and how he felt they made things particularly harsh for him, but didn’t have any proof. There was an exception in one Iruka-sensei, who Naruto said was much kinder these days, though he kept his words on him short, still (Gaara wondered, sometimes, if he was the teacher who corrected Naruto’s letters). 

Usually Naruto’s letters would give him food for thought, but it was mostly harmless and simple. His last letter, though, bothered Gaara much more than usual and he took a while to pinpoint exactly why, but when he did, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It had left Gaara in deep thought and unable to write a response even though the send off date was creeping closer and closer.

_ … and that’s how I learned that technique, believe it! My knee did get hurt pretty bad and Iruka-sensei scolded me lots, Gaara, but it sure was worth it. He said “You shouldn’t train without supervision, Naruto, blah blah blah”, but I just had to learn it, you know? I think that I was the one that got it the fastest, even faster than that Sasuke-teme... _

“Gaara-sama, please pay attention!” Yashamaru scolded him, a rare occurrence. Gaara was a polite and well-behaved boy and, most importantly, never slacked off during training. 

Today was an exception, though. They were training Gaara’s control over his sand and even though how that went usually depended on the day, the kid wasn’t trying at all this time. When Gaara was controlling the sand, his attacks were hit and miss and his defense, while effective, was a lot more hesitant and slower than Shukaku’s. Meanwhile, the demon’s control over the sand was evident when the defense was spotless and his attacks were sharp and violent. Gaara’s distraction was obvious when he paired the boy’s glossy far-away eyes with the sand’s fast and precise movements, deadly attacks that would normally leave Gaara horrified didn’t even seem to faze him at all this time. 

_ … You know, I don’t mind getting hurt, Gaara. Yeah, it sucks and having to take medicine and stuff is really boring, but it means I’m trying my best. Iruka-sensei has this really cool scar on his face that he got when he was training, so I think he understands. Getting hurt is just a part of being a  _ **_real shinobi_ ** _ and scars just show you’re alive even though you fought someone strong that can hurt you, so I think that’s cool. My knee hurts a lot, but that just means I can do that technique when it gets better and that I  _ **_worked really hard_ ** _ for it, you know… _

Naruto was just so proud of it, getting hurt. All his life, Gaara was informed of how lucky he was to have a “ultimate defense”, he would never know how pain feels like. He never scraped his knee, or got a cut or even hit toe in anything, so of course it would be no different in his shinobi life. That’s why he couldn’t practice taijutsu and would probably never develop pain tolerance like most of his peers would. That was fine with him, he had accepted it and Naruto, with mere words, was able to drag him out of a comfort zone that was set for him for life. It just didn’t seem fair, that Gaara could call himself a shinobi in the future when he didn’t work half as hard as Naruto, hadn't felt a tenth of the physical pain he did. No matter that his sand armor was forced into him, the red-headed felt a bit like a fraud for becoming a shinobi when he didn’t even suffer through his training. How could he even look at Naruto in the eye when they met?

“Gaara-sama!” Yashamaru insisted, dodging a blow from the raging sand while his nephew still seemed lost in thought. “Snap out of it!”

Maybe if he could just feel it once, just once… Then he could look at an actual shinobi like Uzumaki Naruto, someone who worked hard for what he had, in the eyes.

In a split second, Gaara made his decision. Once again paying attention to his training, he intentionally calmed the sand around him so Yashamaru could go back to their usual drills instead of the desperate dodging he was stuck with when the Shukaku was in control of it. His uncle relaxed a bit, but never let down his guard and he got in position one more time, taking his trusted kunais to test the sand’s resilience to chakra-enhanced weapons. Gaara carefully defended himself from the first five that came his way, upping his speed each time, but when the last one came he simply dropped his defences, sand going limp on the ground. Yashamaru caught his breath as the kunai flew in the direction of the kid, only to be slapped away by a last minute tendril that emerged quickly and then dropped off again. Both stood still, looking at where the kunai landed. 

“It’s not fair, Yashamaru.” Gaara said quietly, his eyes, though still trained at the weapon, were unseeing. 

“What’s not fair, Gaara-sama?” He said, carefully approaching the boy when he noticed the sand was barely moving, brushing up against the kid’s feet before falling flat once again.

“I can’t get hurt, at all, even if I want to.” The red-headed only seemed to get more and more restless and so did his sand. “How can I be a real shinobi if I never feel pain?”

“You don’t need to feel pain to be a real shinobi.” Yashamaru said, stifling his frown so he could keep his reassuring expression. “Where did you get that?”

“I can’t be a real shinobi just like I can't be a real person. “ The sand was getting agitated so Yashamaru stopped his progression, standing a few feet away from Gaara. “I can be a weapon to the village, but I can't be a shinobi, Yashamaru.”

“Gaara-sama, that’s not true. Please, calm down.” He pleaded as his smile slipped away, the sand in the training field swirling around him as Gaara didn’t seem to notice what he was doing.

“When he sees that, he won’t want to be my friend anymore.” Gaara said, sounding more angry than sad. Yashamaru had an idea of who “he” was, but would rather unpack the kid’s whole spiel later. “And I can’t change it even if I try, Yashamaru!”

He took a step forward to try and, in a last resort, calm Gaara down by eye contact and calming touch. It was risky, but the surest method to make him relax.

“That’s not fair!”

The sand exploded around Gaara, the Shukaku feeding off his negative emotions and taking the opportunity to cause as much chaos as he could while still trapped in a child’s body. Yashamaru tried to dive for protection behind the targets for practice that were scattered around the area, but he had come too close to Gaara and wasn’t fast enough to do so. The sand slammed into him painfully, sending him across the field in mere seconds. He could hardly feel pain as the world around him faded to black rapidly, faintly feeling wetness dripping down his forehead. Gaara didn’t notice, too busy taking his feelings out on the training equipment, tendrils of sand decimating anything they came across, only stopping when everything was in pieces or miles away from where they were before. 

Gaara breathed heavily, the energy draining out of him as the anger he felt faded. It wasn’t often that he could freely express his negative feelings and with reason, nothing good came out of it. But bottling it up didn’t seem to work this time, he thought, as he rested his hands on his knees, dry heaving a little. Anger always made the Shukaku come out easily, the familiar emotion making the demon eager to take the reins and run the show while his child host had a breakdown, which didn’t happen as often as he would like. Wrestling him back in was really tiring and Yashamaru always said  — Oh.

“Yashamaru?” He said softly, dread pooling in the pit of his stomach when his uncle didn’t immediately run up to him, holding an injured arm, at worst, and asking him if he was okay. “Yashamaru?!”

He started limping across the area, the exhaustion creeping on his body not enough to stop him. Gaara winced as he wandered the now destroyed training area, observing how his tantrum turned a well-built typical Suna place into a mess of broken equipment with kunai and shuriken stuck on the walls and on the ground. When he caught sight of what seemed like an unconscious body laying on the ground, he forced himself to go faster, uncaring of his legs screaming to him that it was impossible and trying to ignore the overwhelming guilt that was starting to eat up his insides. As soon as he arrived besides Yashmaru’s body, he gave pause and then fell on his knees, blood turning into ice on his veins. 

Yashamaru’s face was slack, he could look like he was sleeping if it was for the rest of his body. His hands were scrapped, pink raw skin showing on the palm of his hand and his left leg wasn’t quite right, stuck in an odd angle that made Gaara’s own leg throb in sympathy. But the worst was his head. The kid couldn’t see what exactly the wound was since the blood from his forehead was pooling around his head and falling on his closed eyes, turning everything red. Gaara tremulously grasped his uncle's wrist. There was a pulse, good. Gaara wasn’t a murder, not yet, not this time. He hadn’t killed the only person that cared for him. But this only confirmed what everyone said and Yashamaru insisted he should ignore.

It was only a matter of time. 

Gaara could hear the steps coming in his direction, immediately raising his sand barrier to protect him and Yashamaru. He peered around it quietly, only relaxing when he saw one of the jounins who supervised his training sessions with his uncle, in case of an emergency. Not a threat then, he reasoned with his mind and he fought his instincts to lower the barrier so the man could get to Yashamaru. The jounin, Baki, cursed when he saw Yashamaru’s state, taking in the scene of a blank eyed Gaara and the growing pool of blood around Yashamaru’s head, breathing a sigh of relief when he leaned down to catch the man’s wrist and found a pulse. Then, he left to call for the medical shinobis as fast as he could, leaving the boy there.

After that, it was a blur of medics rushing in and giving emergencial treatment to Yashamaru right there before taking him to the special room reserved for when someone from the Kazekage’s family got hurt. They all worked around Gaara, only sparing him some uneasy glances once in a while, as if he would leave them looking like Yashamaru on a whim. When they took his uncle, they left him there in the same position he had been the entire time, face wet with tears and wide eyes staring at the blood Yashamaru left behind. Not even Baki made a move to speak to him, even though he could feel through the haze on his mind the jounin standing a safe distance away from him. After what could have been ten minutes or ten hours, he heard someone walk up to him.

“Hey, Gaara.” He heard a serious, but not unkind voice say behind him. It was familiar. “You have to rest now. Dad wants to talk to you tomorrow.”

Temari. He slowly turned his head to look at his older sister, taking in her sharp eyes and straight posture. She was always on guard, not only around him, but around everyone. Along with his father and Yashamaru, Temari was probably the only other person in the village that wasn’t scared of him and this incident with Yashamaru didn’t seem to change that. He didn’t know if that was a relief or not for him. She didn’t offer him a helping hand, growing obviously annoyed when he didn’t try to stand up by himself.

“Yashamaru will be fine, Gaara.” She said and that’s when he seemed to snap out of it, strengthened by this small comfort. Temari was brutally honest, and wouldn't offer any empty platitudes. His sister probably had already spoken to the doctors and they must have said Yashamaru would be fine.

So Gaara stood up, not bothering to pat down his clothes to get rid of the dirt and followed Temari out of the training area. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Baki silently following them. It made sense they would send Temari out of everyone else, Gaara thought. No matter how harsh she treated him, he respected her a lot, for her skills, leadership instinct and not being afraid of him at all. Neither Kankuro nor his father would know how to handle an upset Jichuuriki as well as she did, making him take a shower as soon as they got to the apartment he shared with Yashamaru and preparing food for him as he got dressed. They ate in silence, not acknowledging each other nor Baki standing near the wall, like a shadow. 

“Thanks for the food, Temari.” He said, breaking the silence. It wasn’t as good as Yashamaru’s, but the vegetables and rice tasted okay. 

“Father said I had to take care of you while Yashamaru is in the hospital, so I did.” She answered, eyes narrowed and voice flat. “Don’t think anything of it.”

He nodded, regretting trying to start a conversation with her. They finished their meals in silence and Gaara washed the dishes while Temari dried them. It was almost domestic, if not for the how heavy the mood was around them. While it was better than having Kankuro or someone scared trying to maneuver around him, his sister’s distaste still stung, even more because of how much he admired her. When they finished with the dishes, Temari went to make her bed on the sofa and Gaara tried to escape to his room without making it too obvious. Her voice stopped him, though.

“You’re actually in the letter exchange program too?” Temari asked, picking up Naruto’s letter from the coffee table. Gaara had been rereading it before going off to train. 

“I am.” He said awkwardly, startled that she would willingly talk to him about something that would surely be, for her, very trivial. He approached the couch, hand itching to take the letter back. “You too?”

“It’s not like I have a choice in the academy. A waste of time, my partner from Konoha is an absolute idiot.” She said as she skimmed through the sentences. “So is yours, unfortunately. Maybe it’s — .”

She was interrupted as she felt the letter being aggressively snatched out of her hands, holding back a yelp of surprise. Gaara always made sure to move as unthreatening as possible around her, always asking for permission and saying “excuse me”, so feeling his yank the letter from her hand was a bit shocking. Her brother, while uncontrollable and annoying, was harmless, not even hurting as many people as he should if he  _ really _ were the demon they said he was. That’s why she could barely believe that he was the one that put their uncle in the hospital. Right now, though, looking at the way he glared at her and clenched the letter in his hands, she felt a shiver go down her spine.

“He’s not an idiot.” Gaara said angrily, looking at his sister’s shocked eyes. As soon as he noticed how aggressive his posture seemed, he forced himself to relax and repeated, softer: “He’s not an idiot, Temari.”

“If you say so.” Temari responded, poker face and flat tone not betraying how fast her heart was beating. “Have you finished your letter already? We have to send them tomorrow and Baki will read yours, this time.”

“Hum, no.” He answered, more subdued as he remembered why Yashamaru wouldn’t be the one to correct his letter this time around. He turned to the jounin that was still in the room. “I’ll give you my first draft before going to sleep, Baki-san.”

Baki nodded and Gaara took the opportunity to turn around and walk briskly to his room, holding Naruto’s letter close to his chest. He put it on top of the small wooden desk he had in his room, staring at his friend’s writing so much it was practically tattooed in his mind. Taking a piece of paper and immediately starting to write to his letter, pouring his heart on his writing once again. He hoped that, by the time Naruto finished reading this, he would still have a friend. 

At Konoha, Uzumaki Naruto was having the time of his life. 

Having a friend to talk to was exhilarating and Gaara was just sooo cool too! He trained his bloodline really hard and was so focused too, his uncle didn’t even have to force him to study! Naruto didn’t know if he would come to the boring lessons at the academy if he didn’t have too. Gaara talked a lot about his training, but sometimes he talked about how he took to gardening like a duck to water and how he liked to play in the sand when he had the opportunity. Most of the daily things he wrote about mentioned his uncle, Yashamaru, and just how awesome he was. Naruto was a bit jealous, he could admit it, but he was mostly happy for Gaara. Someone as amazing as his friend deserved someone like Yashamaru. Who he didn’t understand, though, were Gaara’s siblings. 

Gaara had gushed a bit about both of them in his letters. Kankuro was the oldest and was already really talented with some shinobi arts specific to Suna that his friend couldn’t really talk about in his letter, but he said he showed a lot of promise for someone so young. He was top of his class in the academy and could even graduate earlier if he kept that up. But Temari was clearly Gaara’s favorite. He couldn’t stop writing about how she excelled at every training she did, was already catching up in training elemental chakra (something Naruto didn’t even know was a thing) and was basically on par with Kankuro on Taijutsu. Even then, he awkwardly wrote to Naruto that his siblings didn’t really like to spend time with him, but that was fine because they were busy. Well, they just aren’t very smart then, Naruto had written back. If he could spend time with Gaara, he would do it as much as possible. Sometimes he dreamed about it, if his friend lived in Konoha too, they would be unstoppable. They would spend all their time together, like family, and Gaara wouldn’t try to half-heatly defend his siblings anymore when he realized how much better Naruto was as a brother than them. 

Naruto was sitting in front of Iruka-sensei, half watching as he read through Gaara’s newly arrived letter and half thinking about his friend, still. It felt like they talked all the time, even though Naruto only received one letter every two weeks. It was weird how much he missed him, having not even met him. Rereading the letters helped and the blond did that on a daily basis, savoring the words again and again until he had his favorites memorized. The ache in his chest, how much he missed his friend, calmed down after rereading sessions, but never fully disappeared. Naruto didn’t mind that much, it just meant he had someone to miss, now.

“Here, Naruto.” Iruka-sensei said, getting the blond’s attention. The teacher looked a little tense, a frown marking his forehead. 

“Thanks, Iruka-sensei.” Naruto said as he took the letter, wanting to read it on his favorite swing by the academy. It used to be a very melancholic place to him, but now he enjoyed it much more. 

“Naruto.” He said, interrupting the boy gathering his things so he could leave. “If you want to talk about anything or ask some advice, you can talk to me, okay?”

“O-okay.” The blond answered, feeling a bit weird. That came out of nowhere. “Bye, sensei!”

Naruto left the classroom, still feeling his teacher’s yes following him until they couldn’t anymore. Iruka-sensei has been nicer these days, much more than before. Now, he actually cared if Naruto was understanding the class and asked if he needed help when he looked like he was having a hard time. While he still scolded him when he played pranks and didn’t let him slack off, it seemed to come from a much more caring place these days that not even Mizuki-sensei’s cheery smiles and soft attitude could match. He liked it, a bit. Okay, sheesh, he liked it a lot, but it’s not like he would tell anyone, not even Gaara (not when Iruka-sensei read those letters, no way).

Shaking off that train of thought, he sat on his swing and dangled his legs. His knee injury from training taijutsu stuff alone had healed up pretty nicely and really quickly too, barely a few days after he sent out his last letter to Gaara. The doctor the old man took him to didn’t seem happy with how fast Naruto got better though, or maybe he was just unhappy that Naruto was there at all. He would have to write about that to Gaara, he thought as he opened his friend’s new letter. 

_ Hello, Naruto  _

_ I’m sorry this letter is not what you expected at all, but I can’t talk about anything else right now. I hurt Yashamaru, really bad. I lost control of my bloodline when we were training and now Yashamaru is unconscious and his leg is probably broken and it’s all my fault, Naruto. I was being stupid and didn’t control myself. I didn’t even do anything to help when he got hurt. I was just standing there and Yashamaru was bleeding so much, there was so much blood and it was all coming from his head. I thought he was dying and just stood there. Everyone was right, I’m really dangerous. Yashamaru didn’t believe that at all, he always said that I just needed help to control my bloodline and that I just needed time. I let him down, Naruto. It wasn't the first time I hurt him, but it was just as bad as some cuts and bruises and this time there was just so much blood, I can’t stop thinking about it. Everytime I close my eyes, I see it. He was the only person in the village that didn’t hate me but now he will, I know he will. Everyone hates me for this already. My father sent my sister to take care of me while my uncle is in the hospital and I know she hates to be near me. Yashamaru trusted me so much and all I did was hurt him and disappoint him.  _

_ The truth is that I’m not like you at all, Naruto. I’ll never be a real shinobi. I can’t train taijutsu and ninjutsu because I just can’t get hurt, my bloodline stops it at all. I’ll never work hard like you to be a real shinobi, I'll never get scars or tell you stories about how I hurt my knees when I was training a new taijutsu stance or anything like that. I’m sorry that I’m just letting you down too. I wish I was more like you, working hard on something I love and being proud of it. I can’t be proud of my bloodline, I didn’t work for it and I don’t like it either. But with it, I’ll be a shinobi anyway, because I can’t just not use it, even though it just hurts people. I hate it, I hate it so much. I’m really sorry you got this letter thinking it would be a good one and got this stupid one instead. I just needed to tell all this to someone that isn’t here, that didn’t know how I’m just a monster before. I needed to talk to a friend, if you still want to be friends. If you don’t write back, I understand. _

_ Your friend, Gaara _

Naruto stared at the letter for a bit. Gaara was right, it was not what he had been expecting at all. He had been prepared to receive some compliments for learning that technique the fastest (Gaara loved complimenting him and that made Naruto all fuzzy and warm), some scolding from letting himself get hurt, comments on Naruto’s latest pranks and anecdotes of Gaara’s days and his weirdly business-like report on his cacti. He hadn’t been ready for this to see his friend’s pain written on paper and the completely absurd idea that anything would make Naruto want to stop being his friend. The boy from Suna was one of the most hardworking people he ever met, how could he write such nonsense about not being a real ninja? And that it would make Naruto what? Hate him? If Gaara thought he could get rid of him that easily, then he had another thing coming!

Another thing that seemed impossible was Yashamaru hating him. Naruto only knew Gaara’s uncle through the letters, but it was obvious even with modest Gaara’s writing that Yashamaru had the same opinion of Gaara as Naruto did. He already knew his nephew’s bloodline was dangerous and stayed anyway, took care of him and even played with him. Yashamaru was more Gaara’s father than Gaara’s real father, Naruto was sure of that. From what the blond knew about paternal love, it just didn’t go away with some head injury and some loss of control. Not that he had a lot of personal experience with this, himself.

When Naruto was younger and the orphanage was still forced to take him in, there was a caretaker that he liked a lot, Yuuto-san. He wasn’t particularly kind to Naruto, but he wasn’t cruel and dismissive like the others so to the kid that had meant that the caretaker was the person he was closest to. When Yuuto-san would pat him the head for cleaning up and take care of him when he was sick, he had been sure that it was what a father-son love should feel like. Of course he learned how wrong he was when he slipped up and called Yuuto-san “dad”, only to see the man’s face turn to horror. He quit as a caretaker the next day. Naruto did learn later that whoever was his primary caretaker earned more than the others and that’s why Yuuto-san was decent to him. After his slip up, no one wanted to be his primary caretaker anymore and he was put in an apartment to live alone. 

At that time, he learned he should cut off wishful thinking like that and just focus on making things happen, instead of hoping for them. So when that girl that was weird, but came from a pretty important clan or something, wished him a good day or when he thought he saw a glimpse of respect on Sasuke-teme’s eyes after a fight, he brushed it off. It was just wishful thinking, it couldn’t happen. That’s why he tried to not let Iruka-sensei’s new attitude affect him too much, he didn’t need a second Yuuto-san or anything. There wasn’t anyone looking out for him, but he was sure Yashamaru was for Gaara. He just needed to make his friend see that. But as he stood up, wanting to go home to think about what to write, something caught his eye.

“Iruka-sensei?” He said, seeing that the man was still in the academy grounds even though he usually left faster than that. “Whatcha doing here?”

“I just… I read the letter, Naruto, it’s pretty heavy. Are you okay?” Iruka said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yep, I’m fine.” He said, a little confused and a little warm. Did Iruka-sensei wait just to talk to him? He hesitated a bit before continuing. “Gaara isn’t, though. I don’t know what to say. I mean, I do, but I don't know how to say it.”

“I could help you write a response, if you want.” The teacher offered, glad to have an opening to do so. It didn’t feel write to let Naruto handle something so emotionally taxing by himself. “Want to have some yakitori for dinner and talk about it?”

“Yakitori? Can’t we have ramen, sensei?” He whined.

“We had ramen the last time, brat.” Iruka huffed. “And the time before that  _ and _ the one before that too.”

“Hehehe, cuz it’s the best.” The blond said, grinning. He hadn’t noticed that his dinners with Iruka-sensei were becoming a kinda regular stuff. Naruto started walking. “Fine, fine, let’s have some Yakitori.

“You could be a little more grateful, Naruto.” Iruka complained, raising an eyebrow. “You know the stand isn’t that way, right?”

“Of course, Iruka-sensei, I was just testing ya.” The boy covered up his mistake, now walking with Iruka in the right direction.

“Sure, sure.” Iruka huffed, trying to hide the fondness he was feeling. Unbeknownst to him, Naruto was doing the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, Gaara, that's some imposter syndrome right there. Please review and tell me your thoughts! I’ll try to settle into a posting schedule, probably to post a chapter once a week.


	5. Bonds - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto and Iruka talk. Yashamaru and Gaara don't, not until they have to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back. Later than I thought, but I’m back. Honestly, this chapter kicked my ass, so I hope it’s fine to read. Thanks for the feedback, everyone, it means a lot to me and inspires me to write whenever I’m feeling down (which is often, these days). It’s funny, I thought this chapter would turn out much shorter than the others, but not at all, and that’s because this chap and the last one were supposed to be one chapter. Hope you guys enjoy this.

The atmosphere at the yakitori stand was quiet and serene, almost no clients in the place since it was still early. Iruka and Naruto were sitting at the balcon and the workers didn’t seem happy at all, quietly talking to the owner that had been called in. No one was willing to tell a shinobi, especially a regular customer like Iruka, to leave the establishment. Konoha is still a hidden village, after all, and respecting the shinobi was a must. Although both Naruto and Iruka seemed none the wiser, one was simply used to it and the other was using all his patience to hold back a glare. Fortunately, the food arrived at the table in top speed, their eagerness at getting rid of the two showing. 

“I just think it’s dumb, ya know, sensei?” Naruto said between bites, ignoring Iruka’s admonishment at talking with a full mouth. “Yashamaru is, like, the best, and he loves Gaara lots. Of course he won’t stop loving him!”

“It’s not that simple, Naruto” Iruka sighed, taking a napkin and absentmindedly wiping the mess of yakitori sauce from his student’s cheeks. “Sometimes when we get hurt by someone, no matter if it’s one of the people we love the most, we can get scared of them. We can react badly.”

“What? But that’s not fair!” The blonde whined as he pouted. “It was an accident, Yashamaru gots to know that!”

“Things aren’t always fair.” He answered, plucking the letter from where it was set on the balcon. “And even if Yashamaru knows that logically, it won’t stop him from being scared and maybe it won’t be easy to be around Gaara anymore.”

They stayed silent for a moment, food forgotten at the table.

“I… I don’t want Gaara to be hurt, Iruka-sensei.” Naruto said, finally. “I wish I didn’t have to tell him that Yashamaru could just… not like him anymore.”

“I know.” And Iruka really did, it was hurting him to tell the kid all this at the moment, it was probably worse for a six-year-old. “But as Gaara’s friend, you have to prepare him for the worst as you hope for the best. And you can remind him that you’ll still be friends, won’t you?”

“Of course I will!” He said fiercely, putting his small hand on the balcon. “I’ll always be his friend!”

“Good.” The teacher answered, sincerely. Both kids needed a good friend. “Now eat up, you need to get some meat in you. I don’t know how you can still stand at training when all you eat is ramen.”

Naruto stuck out his tongue at him before biting down on his second yakitori, munching with an open mouth in a way that he knew would drive his teacher crazy and laughing at his disgusted face. Going out with Iruka-sensei cheered him up no matter what and he basked on the feeling a little bit. Yeah, soon he would have to go home to no one but his plants and write a painful letter to his best friend about how his favorite person might really not like him anymore. He would still have Naruto, though, he would make sure he knew that and to srcub any dumb ideas of him being “undeserving of being a shinobi” from his mind. Worst come, his friend would be fine. Hopefully. 

At Suna, the mood was tense. 

Yashamaru came back to the apartment after a week, all bandaged up and with his leg in a cast. If he was anyone else, he wouldn’t have gotten half as much attention from the doctors as he did and would still be lying in a hospital bed, unconscious. Fortunately, he was known to be the only one who could handle Gaara, so he was made a priority and shipped off home as soon as possible.  _ A lot of good that did me _ , he thought as they told him “the demon” only deferred to him and that they didn't know for how long his current caretakers would be safe. But as soon as Yashamaru realized what he was thinking, he shook off these thoughts. He knew it was an accident and that his nephew didn’t mean to hurt him, just like he didn’t mean to hurt anyone else. It was just hard to remember that every time his leg throbbed in pain or when he felt the bandages wrapped around his arms. 

“Hello, Yashamaru.” Temari greeted him as soon as he came through the door, looking up from her book about flowers. He had been informed she and Baki were the ones caring for Gaara while he was away and he was particularly glad that someone so unafraid of his nephew was there, even if she didn’t like him very much. “It’s good to see you’re well.”

“It’s good to be back, Temari-sama.” He said as he sat down on the couch besides her to rest his leg.”Is Baki-san around?”

“He left as soon as he was informed you were here.” She said, flipping a page. “I’m going to stay for two days, dad wants to be sure you’re okay, and then I’m leaving too.”

He nodded, unsurprised. No shinobi was willing to spend more time around Gaara than necessary, much less after the “demon” had inflicted so many injuries to his “handler”, so Temari was the better option to make sure things were running smoothly as she was loyal to Rasa and indifferent to Gaara. His niece’s maturity also had a role to play, her grey eyes always searching for threats and her posture always on guard in ways that many veteran shinobi couldn’t reach, only relaxing around her brother and, when his mood was agreeable, her father. Yashamaru wished he could be in that circle, but his dedication to Gaara was a sour subject to her and Kankurou. It made him feel bad, but they had each other. Gaara had no one. 

“Temari, what’s for d —  .” Speaking of the devil… Gaara stopped, coming out of his room with his eyes on the ground and talking softly.  _ Always deferential to his sister, even when she doesn’t deserve it _ . The uncle thought, both fond and bitter. He did love his niece, but the way she treated her younger brother made his blood boil. His musings were cut short when Gaara continued: “Yashamaru?”

Said man stared at his nephew. He looked a bit pale, like he hadn’t been outside during the week (very likely with who was taking care of him), the bags under his eyes even more sunken than normal and his dark red hair was limp. Unlike most of the time Yashamaru came back from being more than a few hours away, Gaara didn’t come running to his arms, blabbing away about his week and asking every question under the sun about his uncle’s time away. He just stood there, frozen. Why? Was it because he hurt Yashamaru? It wasn’t something new, he had done that before, even if he wasn’t such a serious injury before. Maybe he was feeling guilty? Yashamaru opened his mouth to reassure him, tell him it wasn't his fault. No words came out. 

“Yes, he’s back and soon I’ll be gone.” Temari said, cutting the tense silence with her sharp words. She stood up from the sofa, closing her book. “I’ll finish dinner, it’s oyakodon. Your favorite, Yashamaru.”

As she headed to the kitchen, she looked back over her shoulder once.

“I’ll leave you two alone so you can go back to being the perfect family.” With that, she disappeared into the kitchen.

The two spent a few more moments in silence before Gaara broke it, voice raspy.

“Yashamaru, you’re back…” He said, still unmoving. “I didn’t know if you…”

“If I would come back?” He asked, throat a little tight for a reason he wasn’t quite sure. “Why wouldn’t I, Gaara-sama?”

“‘Cause… you know…” He muttered, sounding younger than usual. Yashamaru’s heart hurt with the kid’s pained eyes, softening his unusually rigid posture.

“Hey, Gaara-sama, I’m not mad.” He said truthfully, holding out his right hand. “Come here.”

Gaara was a very quiet and non threatening child. He didn’t run around and disobey like the others, always made sure his movements were slow and easy to predict, didn’t relish in surprising and scaring people with pranks like Naruto did. But he was still a child being told that he had been worrying about nothing and that the person he loved the most didn’t hate him, his week reminiscing about a broken Yashamaru lying in a pool of blood in the sand and the fear of being abandoned now things of the past. So for once, his teal eyes lit up and he went running to his uncle, circling around the couch and smiling like the six-year-old that he was. Maybe it was a mix of the sudden movements or that stare focusing on Yashamaru or just being out of the hospital, the incident and injury still fresh on his mind. Maybe it was a mix of all these.

But when Gaara approached, Yashamaru flinched violently. 

His eyes were tightly closed and his breath was heavy. Flashs of the training grounds, an angry red-haired child and a tendril of sand hitting his body painfully. Then only agony and a pool of blood, followed by the sweet bliss of unconsciousness. He tried to calm himself down before he had a panic attack, something common for active shinobi, and relaxed minimally when his heartbeat slowed down. When he opened his eyes, vision blurred by his tears, all he could see was his nephew’s terrified face, tiny body trembling and eyes watery. 

“Gaara-sama — . ” He croaked, dry throat turning the action painful. He just had to say something to wipe the look from the child’s face.

His efforts were in vain, however. As soon as Gaara heard his name, he fled to his room as quickly as he could, not looking back. Yashamaru stared at the closed door, not needing to strain his hearing to hear the loud sobs coming through the wall. He felt empty, like he just lost something very important that wouldn’t come back easily. Why did he react like that? It was far from the first time Gaara hurt him and he had never flinched near his nephew since he was a baby. No that there was any reason to, the child was kind, gentle and soft-spoken, no matter the demon inside of him. But Yashamaru couldn’t deny the fear he felt when he saw Gaara approach, the instinct of fight or flight rising up inside him. Was this how things are going to be now? He’ll be unable to look at the kid? Unable to hug, reassure him? 

“Yashamaru?” Temari said, snapping him out of his thoughts. “Dinner is ready.”

Had he really spent so much time staring at the door? Temari was standing there with her hands on her hips, probably having heard all the commotion. The apartment was designed in a way that Yashamaru could hear Gaara from anywhere and whenever, no privacy, and Temari was always alert. She had a thoughtful look in her eyes, a bit different from her usual bitterness whenever she interacted with Yashamaru and Gaara.

“I’m going to take Gaara’s dinner to him, so he can eat in his room.” She said, going back to the kitchen and coming back with a complete oyakodon bowl. “I think it’s better this way.”

Temari stayed the next two days, as promised. Although she was quiet and serious, she was still a kid and Yashamaru watched as relaxed more and more with him there and Gaara locked away in his room by his own volition. Maybe his niece wasn’t as unaffected by her brother as she seemed. Temari started chatting with him during the day, sometimes while she helped him make their meals or when they were sitting down by the couch, emptier than usual without a certain red-headed child. She didn’t look like she minded that, telling him about her weapon-obsessed penpal from Konoha, a girl named TenTen, who she swore was the most annoying person ever but whose every short letter Temari had memorized. Sometimes during the day, without noticing, she mentioned something about the girl, little things like her recent obsession with fortune-telling or her skills with target practice. His light teasing of “Oh, Temari-sama has a friend” made her pout like the seven-year-old she is. Yashamaru always listened to what she said and she glowed whenever he made a particularly thoughtful question or commented on her academy exploits. 

“I’ll be going now, Yashamaru.” She had said on her last day in the apartment, her bag already packed. She kept glancing at Gaara’s door, from where she had already come out after having a very quiet conversation with her brother. “Please, take care, hum, both of you.”

“I will, Temari-sama.” He said fondly, placing his hand gently on top of her head, in which she briefly leaned into. “Come back whenever you want, okay?”

Temari hesitated a little before nodding and, without looking back, she left. The apartment was deadly silent. He had been unable to communicate with Gaara since that moment in the living room, he had been taking a break from training while Yashamaru healed more and he had been taking his meals in his room, only talking briefly with his sister. The adult felt like a complete failure. Yes, he knew his body reaction was involuntary and he couldn’t help that, but how could he make Gaara believe that? How could he make Gaara understand that Yashamaru didn’t think of him as a monster, rationally, no matter how his body reacted? He felt like he failed not only his nephew, but his sister, not knowing how to fix the situation and make the kid listen to him. So they went on even after Temari left, not speaking. 

Until Naruto’s letter arrived. 

Yashamaru went to pick it up by the academy as always, missing Gaara’s bouncy presence by his side, even if it lessened the glares thrown his way. The teacher that usually delivered the letter in his hand, Rika-san, also looked quite relieved at seeing him alone, trying to strike up a conversation in contrast to the fearful silence she usually exhibited. He quickly cut it short, the same exhaustion he felt since he came back from the hospital creeping in. All he wanted to do was go back to the apartment and try to explore new ways to make his nephew talk to him, the letter in his hand his biggest hope yet. For someone that never met Gaara in person, Naruto surely knew how to cheer him up almost better than Yashamaru. Also, as he knew Gaara hadn’t completed his letter before The Accident, he wanted to read the blonde’s letter as soon as he could to fish for how the red-headed kid felt as he wrote his last letter, since Yashamaru wasn’t the one to correct it. With that in mind, he hurried home. 

Getting to the apartment, he sat on the sofa, pausing to listen carefully. No reaction from Gaara, not even on letter arrival day. Yashamaru sighed, opening up the letter carefully to read through its contents. As he read on, a lot of Gaara’s previous action started to make sense, his nephew’s state of mind building up in his head. His heart hurt, not a new feeling by far, these days. But even with the pain, he was feeling overwhelming gratitude for Naruto being his (yes, his) kid’s pen pal and for caring for him so much. Hope bloomed on his chest, he was now sure that everything would work out. If Gaara wouldn’t listen to Yashamaru, he would listen to his best friend. 

On his bed, staring at his door like it would bust open anytime, was Gaara. He was dreading both having to speak to Yashamaru to have access to his letter and being forced to look into his scared eyes and tense posture and actually finding out if there was even a letter for him, if his only friend didn’t give up on him after finding out what a monster he was. Or even worse, Naruto sending a letter to cut off their relationship. He hadn’t been able to sleep that night, thinking all the scenarios that could happen and none of them turned out well. Sometimes, it was as if he could hear the demon himself whispering into his mind that if he let him in control, he wouldn’t have to feel this pain at all. Tempting, but Gaara wasn’t eager to disappoint his family even more. As his thoughts spiraled down, he noticed an envelope being slipped underneath his door. The envelope with Naruto’s letter.

_ Yashamaru doesn’t even want to look at my face anymore. _ He thought, picking up the envelope and holding back tears. If he was going to cry, he would rather cry about losing his uncle and friend all at once. 

_ Hey, Gaara _

_ You were about one thing: that was the stupidest letter you have ever sent me! Gaara, we’re best friends, I’m never going to leave you, ok? Never! And I never back down from my promises too, that’s my nindo, so you better believe it! Look, I know you’re super awesome, okay? But even the most awesome shinobi ever have accidents and make mistakes too! I know you didn’t mean to hurt Yashamaru, you love him so much, you talk about him in all your letters. Iruka-sensei says that sometimes we are so surprised that we freeze, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t care or that we’re weak, it’s normal. I know you, Gaara, okay? You would have helped Yashamaru if you could. And duh, of course you’re dangerous, you have this super cool bloodline that’s also super dangerous, but I already knew that and Yashamaru knew that too. How could he be angry when it’s not something new at all? That doesn’t make sense! I don’t think Yashamaru could hate you, I think he loves you a lot. He won’t be disappointed in you. And your sister is really dumb if she hates to be with you, Gaara, don’t listen to her! _

_ I talked about this with Iruka-sensei (he’s the one that reads my letters, you know?) and he told me that I have to tell you other things too. Even if Yashamaru hates you now and is disappointed (I still don’t think so), I’ll  _ **_always_ ** _ be your friend, so you’ll never be alone even if I have to drag you here to be with me, okay? And even if Yashamaru is scared of you now, it doesn’t mean he hates you. Iruka-sensei says that sometimes we can get scared of people we love, even if they hurt us by accident, but we can still love them. So if Yashamaru looks like he is scared, talk to him and you guys can make up and be happy again! Okay, Iruka-sensei said it’s not going to be that easy, but you can try and you have to be careful with him. I really don’t think he can hate you, even if he is scared, you know? I don’t think it’s easy to hate you, Gaara, not at all, so don’t think that.  _

_ That stuff about not being a real shinobi is also really stupid. You work so hard, of course you deserve to be a shinobi! You train that bloodline that you know is really dangerous and that you hate everyday and you say you don’t work hard? That’s more than anyone in the academy does! Being a shinobi isn’t about getting hurt or having scars, not for me. It’s about getting stronger so I can get to my dream and protect people! I’m kinda happy you don’t get hurt, you know? I can not worry too much about you. I’m sure you’ll control your bloodline to learn taijutsu and ninjutsu one day and you’ll be really good at it like you are in everything. I just don’t want you to feel like you don't deserve it, because you do. If anyone says anything else, you can just say you’re right because Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage of Konoha, said so, believe it! Next letter, tell me how you cactusus are doing, Ayame-chan wants to know too. _

_ Uzumaki Naruto _

_ Your friend and future Hokage of Konoha _

His vision had become blurry as soon as he hit the first sentence, but by the third paragraph he was already sobbing for completely different reasons. What had he done to deserve a friend like Naruto? He wanted a lot of things: to write back immediately and say that Naruto was wrong about him, to write him back immediately and ask him if he was sure and to go to Konoha immediately and give him a big hug. The first two would probably get him a scolding from the “future Hokage of Konoha”, so he focused on the last one, hugging the letter to his chest. He felt so loved, even though Naruto hadn’t said that on paper, and in ways he only felt with…

He jumped from his bed, opening the door and stepping back instinctively when he saw Yashamaru standing in front of his door, fidgeting. He looked basically the same from the first day when he came back and the glimpses Gaara had caught of him while going to the bathroom, cast on his leg and bandages around his head. But his eyes were different, they weren’t scared like he thought they were, his eyes were…

“Gaara-sama.” Yashamaru said gently, like he was afraid his words would blow Gaara aways. “Your friend was right. About everything in that letter. Naruto was right.”

About everything in that letter? So did that mean… Gaara started to walk towards Yashamaru, choking back on the sobs that wanted to escape his throat. He approached slowly (“ _ you have to be careful with him.” _ ) and as soon as he got near his uncle, the man crouched down to his level and Gaara gently wrapped his arms around him. He felt Yashamaru flinch slightly before hugging him back. Then, he let go of his worries, crying in his only family’s arms and sobbing, enjoying how it only made Yashamaru tighten his arms around him. Yeah, Naruto had been right, they would be fine about this. But that was one specific thing that Gaara couldn’t let go just yet.

A few days after they started talking again, Gaara waited until Yashamaru went out. 

While he understood where Naruto came from, that he didn’t need to “suffer” to be a shinobi, he was still very curious. As a shinobi, he should at least build up pain tolerance, but how could he do that when he couldn’t even get hurt not even once? He deserved to know how that felt, right? He felt a bit guilty doing that, knowing that both Naruto and Yashamaru didn’t like him getting hurt, but that was his choice. He should be able to do it. So he picked up a kunai and, albeit hesitantly, tried to cut his skin. He figured that if he tried to control his sand as he made a very calculated gesture, he might be able to pierce his skin. Of course, the sand blocked him.

“So it’s no use at all… The sand gets on the way.” He complained, looking at his hand

“Gaara-sama.” Of course, that was the time his uncle decided to walk in on him. 

“Yashamaru.” He said, a bit startled, but mostly he felt shame build up in his belly.

“I may not look like it, but Kazakage-sama charged me with looking after your physical condition as member of the medical corps and to look after you, too.” He said seriously, walking towards the child. “Please don’t do these kinds of things in front of me.”

_ And not behind my back, either _ . Gaara could hear the unsaid reprimand, looking at his feet and wanting to disappear. 

“Even if the sand will protect you…” Yashamaru said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. He hadn’t meant to make the kid feel bad, but he wanted to get the point across

“Yashamaru… I’m sorry…” Gaara mumbled. At first, he thought it was simply about the situation, but he saw Gaara glancing at the bandages wrapped around his head.

“This is just a scrape.” He said good-naturedly. It wasn’t, before, both knew that. But Yashamaru was a good medic and had received attention from Suna’s best, so now his injuries were almost healed. He had even removed the leg cast already. 

“A scrape…” Gaara said thoughtfully. “Does it hurt?”

“A bit. But it will heal in no time.” He answered, expecting that to be the end of the conversation. However, Gaara always found ways to surprise him.

“Hey, Yashamaru… What’s pain?” He asked, looking at his uncle’s surprised face before staring at the hand he tried to harm before. “It's just… I’ve never been hurt, not once… So I wondered what that’s like.”

He was so focused that he missed his uncle’s pained face. 

“Hum, how do I explain it? I mean, it’s distressing and painful…” Seeing Gaara’s confused face, he continued. “It’s an unbearable feeling, you can’t really feel normal with it around… I know I’m not explaining it well, but it’s not a good feeling at all.”

Gaara’s eyes once again caught his bandages, his lips trembling.

“Yashamaru.”

“Yes?”

“When I hurt you… Do you dislike me?” Not hate, Naruto was right when he said Yashamaru probably wouldn’t hate him. But an “unbearable feeling”... Surely Yashamaru might dislike him, sometimes. 

“Gaara-sama, we… Spent our lives hurting others and being hurt. “ He said soothingly, looking straight into his nephew’s eyes. “It’s really not so easy to dislike other people.”

Hurting others wasn’t something… Only Gaara did? It was normal?

“Thank you, Yashamaru.” He said sincerely. “I think I sort of understand what pain is now.”

“That’s good.”

“So… Am I hurt? Just like everyone else?” He asked, grasping his chest. “I’m always in pain… Even though I’m not bleeding… I’ve been in a lot of pain here.”

Yashamaru was quiet for a moment, before approaching him and taking the kunai from his hands. Then, he cut his finger, drawing a cry from Gaara.

“Blood does come from flesh wounds, yes, and they do look painful at a first glance. But the pain goes ways naturally, after some time. With treatment, the pain goes away even faster.” Yashamaru said, seriously. “But what’s more troubling is a wound of heart. That one is the hardest to heal.”

“A wound of heart?”

“A wound of flesh and a wound of heart are completely different. There is no medicine for a wounded heart and there are times it may not heal in a person’s entire lifetime.” And he knew that personally, he missed Karura everyday. “But there is one thing that can heal a wounded heart. It’s complicated and can only be given by someone else.”

“What? What is it?” He asked, a bit desperately. All he wanted, when it became unbearable, when not even thinking about Naruto and Yashamaru distracted him, was to make that pain stop.

“The only thing that can cure a wounded heart is… Love.”

“Love?”

“Yes, it’s love.” He said, placing his hand on top of his nephew’s head. “The love you receive everyday. From me and from your friend and… From my older sister. All she wanted was to protect you and care for you, more than anything. Since we’ve known it, the Shukaku only used it’s sand to attack, but with you, it uses it to protect. The sand protects you like a mother’s love. I do think that sand is filled with your mother’s will and that my sister wanted to protect you, even dead.”

“Yashamaru…” He said, a bit emotional. “Thanks for stopping me, earlier.”

“It’s nothing. You're my most precious person, after all.” He said, before placing his finger inside his mouth.

It wasn’t a new gesture, Gaara saw him doing it before when he cut his fingers while making dinner. So, ignoring Yashamaru’s puzzled look, he carefully pulling his hand from his mouth and put the finger inside his own mouth, instead. Yashamaru wondered, for a moment, if Gaara got what he wanted from it. If he could understand his pain. 

“It tastes like iron.” Gaara said as soon as he released his hand. 

“It does.” Yashamaru said, straightening himself up. “Ready for dinner?”

“Not yet, Yashamaru, I have something to do first.” Gaara answered, going quickly into his room, his feelings all over the place.

Before dinner, he had a letter to write. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it, please review and tell me your thoughts. This was very Gaara-centric, but don’t worry, we’ve got a Naruto arc coming up these next few chapters and some new characters showing up.

**Author's Note:**

> This is me giving these children the childhood friendships they deserve.


End file.
